When Nature Strikes: My Gopher Bite Story

It was a sunny Monday afternoon, the kind of day where you’d expect to be chased by a swarm of bees or get a sunburn, but not be bitten by a gopher.

Yet there I was, admiring the blooms on a newly planted hibiscus, when I noticed some suspicious activity at its base.

Curious, I bent down for a closer look, and that’s when it happened – a sharp pinch on my middle finger.

Instinctively, I jumped up and looked down to see my attacker – a small, furry gopher, looking up at me with what I swear was a “there’s more where that came from” grimace.

This wasn’t just any gopher; this was the ninja of the rodent world, capable of striking when least expected. And strike it did, right on my middle finger.

Now, you might be wondering, “What kind of person gets bitten by a gopher?”

Well, it turns out, the kind of person who forgets that nature can be both beautiful and vicious.

As I hopped around, trying to shake off the initial shock and pain, I realized I had a bigger problem to deal with.

What do you do when you get bitten by a gopher?

First, don’t panic (too much). Panicking might be a natural reaction when you’re unexpectedly attacked by a pint-sized predator, but it won’t help.

Instead, take a deep breath and try to calm down. Remember, gophers aren’t venomous, and it’s not like you were bitten by a rattlesnake. Yet.

Next, clean the wound. I grabbed the hose and rinsed the bite wound thoroughly with clean water.

If you’re at home, soap and water work best. The gopher watched, but I kept my composure, and let’s just say that the hawks appreciated him more than I did.

Then apply an antiseptic. Lucky for me, my wife is a nurse practitioner.

We dabbed some antiseptic on the bite to ward off any lurking bacteria. If you don’t have an antiseptic, a little bit of alcohol will do the trick, though it might sting more than the bite itself.

Next, I covered the bite with a sterile bandage. This helps to protect it from dirt and further irritation.

If you don’t have a bandage, clean cloth or even a piece of clothing can work in a pinch.

The rest of the day, I kept an eye on the wound, looking for any signs of infection -redness, swelling, increased pain, or pus. In the event of such symptoms, it’s crucial to see a doctor as soon as possible.

It’s also important to consider whether you’re up to date on your tetanus shot.

Animal bites can sometimes lead to tetanus, so if you’re unsure, it’s best to check with a healthcare professional.

As I limped to the nearest urgent care, I made a mental note to get my vaccination status updated.

Getting bitten by a gopher isn’t something you plan for, but it’s a good reminder that life is unpredictable.

One minute you’re enjoying a sunny day, the next you’re fending off a feisty rodent.

And that, is how I survived the great gopher attack of 2024. Remember, when nature decides to get up close and personal, stay calm, clean the wound, and laugh it off later.

After all, what’s life without a few unexpected adventures?